Interview with a 3.75-Year-Old: March 24, 2008

Do you have anything to say before we start the interview?
Who crossed the road? Water. Water crossed the road.

How old are you?
Four. (He’s three.)

Have you ever been to Texas?
I pooped on the house and I farted on the house and I peed on the house. My sock has a hood – a hood for a sock, see?

How much do you weigh?
Five pounds.

Okay. Do you think you’ll ever weigh more?
I’ll weigh five … six … tee pounds. Five-sixty-pounds.

Is that the most you’ll ever weigh?
Yeah. Okay, tell me something else.

What did you think about Easter yesterday?
It was great! Except I got to fart on my eggs.

Why do you say that?
‘Cause it’s great – you don’t poop on your eggs. (Standing on his chair.) ‘Cause I was big and I came out of my egg. Have you been to Massachusetts?

Yes.
Okay. Ask me if I’ve been to Massachusetts.

Okay. Have you been to Massachusetts?
We’re going there in a couple days and we’re going to a theater to see a movie.

Which movie?
I’m going to see “ Little Spy Man Movie.”

What’s that movie about?
Spider-Man.

Oh.
Uh-huh. ‘Cause he’s a bad guy.

I thought Spider-Man was one of the really good guys.
(Shaking his head.) He’s good but he never goes to bed.

And that’s why he’s bad?
No. That’s why he’s good. And he never goes to bed.

(Much Spider-Man talk ensues.)

Okay, I have one more question for now. What do you think of your sister?
She’s, ummmm … I think she’s cool. ‘Cause she never eats her cow’s milk. She never eats her mommy’s milk. She never eats cow’s milk or rice milk. Or water. OH-NO! She eats her water.